When a person comes into your life who is truthful, reliable, strong and possesses integrity, it’s easy to trust that individual. Loving someone like that is effortless. I never feared falling in love with such a partner.
After five years of being single, I met this man online in 2010. Our first date lasted 6 hours, and after a beautiful time together, we said our goodbyes at 3 a.m. I found myself in a whirlwind romance after that evening.
He was a perfect man and appeared to be my prince charming and worth the wait. He had everything I was looking for in a partner and more. He loved my daughter unconditionally like she was his own and performed duties that her father refused.
As the years went by, the relationship grew more substantial and more committed. I felt so secure that I even took the man home to Grenada to meet my family. I waited patiently for the engagement ring so we could be married, but to my dismay, after four years, he never popped the question. Finally, I came to realized that my emotions were being played with like a toy.
It turned out his family were racist and never going to accept a single black mother for their son. He was well aware of their prejudice but refused to disclose it to me. His mother was evil, with no warm blood running through her veins. She was a hypocrite and liar who convinced me I was the only one for her son and given him her blessings to marry me.
The family was ashamed of me because I was black. Unknown to me at the time, they had arranged a marriage for him with someone else. I was being fooled and laughed at behind my back. I never felt so much pain, humiliation, and embarrassment in my entire life. It was a crushing blow that left me feeling devastated.
He wasn’t brave enough to stand up to his racist parents for me. His cowardly stance demonstrated that he was just as repulsive as his family. He had a Facebook message to one a friend who was inquiring about me. His response to the inquiry stated, “SHE’S DEAD” as he moved on with his life and new wife.
I wept for months after the revelation of him and his family being racists and rejecting me outright. It wasn’t because of lost love that was so devastating. It was because of the deceit, manipulation, and betrayal. I trusted this man and his family. I knew evil exists in this world, but I never imagined that I was sleeping with the devil for the entire time.
This tragedy felt like a bad dream that I would awaken from to realize it wasn’t real, but this nightmare was absolute and my new reality. So I had to face it even if the hurt was unimaginable.
For quite some time, I thought the consequences of these hurtful events were somehow my fault. I wondered if I was a lousy partner, maybe not good enough for him and his family, or perhaps if I were white, they would have accepted me. These thoughts created a sense of self-doubt and insecurity for me, but the reality was I was better off. I was way too good to be associated with such ignorance.
Time heals all and it also matures the human mind. We have a saying in Grenada, “what missed you, never passed you.” Harsh lessons like this have taught me to stay grounded in who I am, never wavering for anyone or anything. My trust issues are valid concerns, but I walked through broken glass, I survived and became whole again.